Hard

Not going to lie friends, things are hard right now. I’ve been wishing I could come back to this post when I feel better, when I can offer something more inspirational, more “positive,” but alas, commitment.

So here is my truth. I’ve wavered on my health and creativity commitment because of the usual, money issues. I’m tired of struggling with money. I’ve been struggling with money for most of my life. Even when I made money my goal on PSP, I still did not work through enough apparently. I am still struggling.

To tell you the full truth, I did write a song and a powerful ass poem this week. I’ve sang to myself daily. I feel lines of poems forming in my mind more naturally now. Almost constantly I experience the world around me in poetry or song. That is pretty beautiful isn’t it? I’ve also gone on a walk everyday this week. Mostly because I’ve been caring for a dog, but the walks have been really beneficial for my health too. These walks also get me to spend more time in nature, with the turning orange, yellow, and red leaves in the beautiful fall of Colorado and mountain backdrops. I’ve also said no to things I have not wanted to do, and communicated a clear boundary to my new roommate.

Well what do you know? I’m feeling inspired now. There is beauty in the full truth! Even though I have not done every detail of my goals as I outlined, it’s like the goals are naturally doing me. I haven’t needed to plan the creativity of the poems that are just coming to me, or the walks, or the communication of boundaries and saying no. They have just happened.¬† I’m glad I came on here to write anyways and gave myself the opportunity to be inspired!

Next week I’m inspiration captain and it feels like it is much needed for me to be in the role. I’m committing to sharing the powerful ass poem I wrote on video through the chat tomorrow! Wahhhhh! Also here’s some picture from one of my walks. Enjoy ūüôā

Advertisements

Reconnecting

This is my first blog post in cycle 11; I plan on re-establishing integrity with everyone shortly, via email. However, I wanted to share what’s been going on with me and why I’ve been absent. I’ve been very stressed and have had a lot going on the last month. I left my job and started a new one. My resignation and departure from my previous job was tumultuous and left me feeling incomplete in several ways. I’m very grateful because since I started my new job in a hospital last week, it has been going very well, thus far. We’ve just concluded the back-to-back Jewish holidays, traveling to be with family. I met my boyfriend’s parents for the first time (we’ve been together 16 months)- which went very well. My boyfriend and I are planning on moving in together in January, and while exciting, it has also been bringing various things to the surface, necessitating discussion, arguments and emotions. Talking about the future can cause some tension. I’m currently in a fight with my mother, because she chooses to be unsupportive and cold, and this makes me angry and sad. In addition to my mom, Andrew and I are getting a lot of pressure put on us from other family members, as well. Financial concerns, trying to spend quality time with my boo, being under-the-weather, trying to maintain friendships and family relationships, trying to get enough sleep and time for self-care, can be exhausting. As I noted on my third weekend almost 2 years ago, I am my own worst enemy, and I’ve completely turned inwards and have not reached out for support (because I don’t even know what I need). I shut down when I feel overwhelmed. And being PSPLife has been a part of that too, until now. End ‘story.’

In terms of my PSP goals, I have completed my first 30-day Isagenix weight loss challenge and have lost almost 7 lbs. and 13 inches. While this is less than what I wanted to lose (i.e. 12-15 lbs for the first 30 days), I am NOT beating myself up, since I faced multiple challenges this month, with the Jewish holidays, family bar mitzvah, a wedding, going away gatherings for my old job, etc. I did order my supplies for the next 30-day challenge, and will determine when I’m starting this week! While I have not been tracking all of my meals consistently in MyFitnessPal, I do use it sometimes and have been making fairly wise choices when it comes to food. A lot of my cravings have gone away. And I’m proud of the discipline I’ve shown and saying “no, thank you” to various goodies, alcohol, food, etc.

For my exercise goal, I haven’t been in action enough. I did go to yoga once last week, but missed the week prior. I did one day of exercise on the 8Fit app (10 min) but have not been consistent about the 4x/week. My head is my biggest challenge- getting the motivation to push myself to work out, even if I have limited time (that’s the point of this goal!).

I look forward to seeing what I can create in the next 4 days, until I blog again, on time!

 

Vision & Action ‚ô®ÔłŹ Making Progress

Just had a great small group meeting – thanks E&M! Love the small group structure, the ability to support and talk to multiple people in addition to my buddy. 

In terms of my goals, I’m in action on both [1) job alignment & search; (2) being with Naomi], although I get to add urgency to my first goal. 

To date I have done half of the exercise T suggested & plan to complete by Tuesday night at the latest. I recommend that or similar exercises for people looking for clarity around their future, inc 5-yr and 1-yr visioning, current analysis, action steps, and the like. I have also contacted a few folks for informational conversations, but not yet locked in a time, so I will follow up on those tonight. 

The next step is to contact 2-3 additional people this week as well as to do some basic online job posting searching as I look to get a sense of what positions are currently being advertised and may preferences/fit for those roles (note, I’m not yet looking to apply as any move is still over six months out, but looking for a sense of the options).
Additionally, I spend some time today with EP examining some of my internal conversations around work, my fit, my mental game, etc., and she had some good suggestions and feedback for me. 

One interesting idea that got kicked up is around affirmations – given that core beliefs, limiting view points and the like play such a big role and aren’t corrected through new actions, affirmations can play a role in shifting those beliefs. EP asked about my openness and receptivity to using them and I found that I’m ambivalent toward them:

– I do believe that repeating a positive message can shift an internal conversation 

– I find it SO STRANGE that saying an affirmation has any impact at all => I get a little judgy about them

So…I get to let go of that judgment and put into practice items that can support me in creating the job & life that I want. 

In terms of my second goal, I’m way ahead of where I aimed for in terms of uninterrupted time with Naomi. While the holidays may have disrupted work and my time freedom for pursuing my 1st goal, they gave us a lot of good personal time including 1-on-1 convos, canoodling, and more. 

We also started planning some date night, and spent some time creating a warmer ambience in the apartment for Hygge-ization. 

Overall I’m satisfied with where I am on my goals, although I have not yet hit the in-it-to-win-it stage, so time to kick things up. 

Looking forward to my next buddy call, and wishing everyone a fantastic week!

Breaking free! Diving into mindfulness, peace and happiness. My “Shabbat Mind” days.

Yesterday was my 2nd time I have ever fallowed my new stragedy for achieving and sustaining mindfulness in my life which I call my ” Shabbat mind Saturdays”. I am not jewish but I decided to try the technic that they fallow- breaking free electronics and JUST BE. I found it facinating and wanted to try doing it my own way.

I felt very overwhelmed lately with all my EMF sensitivity and I had been very unfocused with my priorities…my phone would always distract me from feeling into myself and my life in general. So¬†I decided to try touching no electronics like my phone, computer, iPod and things that keeps us in “online world” for the entire Saturday. And running into my inner “online” wonderful world. And I loved it!!!

Once I ¬†broke free from electronics and being online on Saturdays – it felt like I am being on vacation!!! Last Saturday was my 1st time doing this…I left my house without the phone and at first it felt weird…like I am “missing out” on something. I felt guilty and thought in my head : “What if a client message me for emergency, what if my dad call me and something happened, what if I miss out on friend’s call for support, what if I need my phone to find direction somewhere, what if….” All of those what ifs were swimming in my head…

So it was challenging at the first couple of hours… But I left my house and it might have took me couple of hours to “let go” of all my worries and adjust but then I felt like my mind stopped racing and I felt my way into surrender and peace. I felt serene all day!! So many wonderful memories popped in my head from my childhood- how I used to do all the things that felt magical living without the phone. Now in nowadays, we control every step of our life with all the electronics: plan things ahead, we control every meeting we have, every event we attend, every date… we give ourselves no chance for a “miracle” meet and that adventure time of “go with a flow” is missing! What happened to us?! How did we get into those kind of humans that can’t even find their own way to the bathroom without using GPS ?? We use our phones literally everywhere. Yes, the advantage to have our phones is suppose to make our life easier, not harder… but seems like we took it way to far and don’t see how much we are missing on JUST BEING and loving our lives and finding miracles in our everyday lives. We put on our headphones- and we are heading to the subway, listen to the music or staying online and chatting with someone via multiple apps instead of just sit on the subway and running with ourselves into the moment. That day I have noticed in the subway that probably 90% of people playing with their phones and trying “to kill the time”or “accomplish something while a ride”… How did we even got here into the “killing time” mode or “accomplishing ¬†as much as we can” instead of appreciating the time and enjoy every single moment as it is?! No wounder we have sky-rocking numbers in America of people who suffer from depression, stress, anxiety, ADD, ADHD, FOMOs etc. We forgot who we are, we became like “robots” neglecting our true nature and neglecting our inner feelings by proctrastinating with doing things and accomplishing everything else but loving ourselves….

Anyways, I was so happy with breaking the addiction to my phone! I felt so serene, peaceful and content. I knew it is not the end of the world if i just take a day off for myself.. I surrendered and I found so much more!!! I went to the baths house on my first Shabbat day, I ¬†meditated there, sweat a lot and I met so many wonderful new people there.. however, I did not plan on it, I just went with flow of the day and thats why I appreciate meeting ¬†new friends so much more… I have noticed also that the most wonderful things that had ever happened to me- I were either phone free or did not plan on that event … like meeting a guy who I fall in love with couple of years ago… I were not using online dating – it just happened! It happened just when I were in the most relaxed “fluid” state of mind….

I had realized that one of the tools to be happy is defiantly braking free at least one day a week from all electronic devices…And I will surely make a chapter on this topic in my book because it is truly can change people’ lives if they practice this technic.

So yesterday ( Saturday) , I also broke free from all the electronics… I went to my beloved Russian Turkish Bath house…and again, It was such a wonderful day without the plan without all the electronics! … Guess what happened?! I met someone new again))) So yes, Yesterday I had a dinner date with someone who i were not planning to see and we had such a pleasant evening! I got all bunch of signs during those two Shabbat Saturdays tand I am defiantly enrolled to keep on doing this… it makes me happy and I am finally starting to feel that I am building my Momentum when all things are going well and having more of the miracles and ¬†“the right time, the right place” type of magical meetings ūüôā

 

No more “should”

Converstation with my buddy made me realize how much I use to word “should”.¬† I learned how icky that word is as it comes from a place of being wrong and a place where I didnt do something I should have.

So moving forward I will be extra mindful to remove that from my mental vocabulary.

I took this practice right away in reaching out to someone I needed to share some feelings that has been building up inside me.  I kept thinking I should tell this person how I feel but I kept ignoring it.  Afterwards it was such a relief and I feel much more in line with myself and my integrity.  More power, more control, less victim, all of it.

Very empowering to come from this space and I aim to make it part of who I am ūüôā

Good stuff

Making Progress in Week 2

This week I have made some progress with my time management goal/work flow goal.  As I highlighted last week I am trying the Getting Things Done (GTD) method.  I completed the audio book and started to implement it accordingly.  In summary it seems like a good system but it all comes down to execution.  I am going to  also use Trello as the tool to help manage this for right now as I have some experience working with it.

The GTD system starts as there is an Inbox (Inbox List) virtually and an Inbox tray located on my desk for paper.¬† ¬†Whatever is in the “Inbox” is then evaluated – if its something that is possible to do in 2-3 minutes or less I do it immediately like answering an email or for example Joanna’s recent fun captain survey.¬† If its something that will take more time I ask the following questions:¬† Is it possible to delegate?¬† If so, delegate it accordingly and then put the task in a Waiting For List.¬† If it cant be delegated, I get to think of the immediate Next Actions and put it into a Next Actions List.¬† This Next Actions List can be broken down into context like things to do on my computer?¬† Things to do while traveling on my phone (e.g. phone calls)¬† etc.¬† The idea of the list is to make it easy for me to know what to do whenever I have some free time and in a certain circumstance.¬† ¬†I also create a list of All my Projects so that I¬† can always be able to glance at all of the them so I can make decisions on how to allocate my day, week, month.¬† There are subfolders and steps involved in the project as well if needed for the projects.¬† There are also lists like a Tickler File that are for projects that are not immediate but will be done later.¬† Taxes may be a good one for this.¬†For example I may begin the tax process in mid January but its not something I need to worry about at this moment.¬† Another may be preparation for a tradeshow .¬† For example I have a big tradeshow in March (the registration has already been done) and I know that I will get to begin preparing for this in early-mid January.¬† I don’t have any immediate actions now but will need to be reminded in January. There is also a Someday Maybe List of all the things that I may want to do in the future but have no immediate action steps for.¬† For example, maybe I want to take up snorkeling in the future but I have no intentions now.¬† This would go on that list as I would put a task on my calendar to review the Someday Maybe List this from time to time to remind me of these ideas.

Oh yeah, the Calendar is sacred and is to be used for meetings that have a particular time;¬† if I need to call someone or do something at a particular day or time — such as someone’s birthday, etc. Things on the calendar are usually time specific.¬† The rest stays on lists.¬† I am still learning about all the nuances but there is room for modifications as well.

I am also encouraged to check these lists at the beginning and end of the day and a bigger review at the end of the week and to plan for the following one.

The above has a lot and I am committed to sharing this in a screen share sometime in the next weeks as I become more comfortable with this system.

I am also in action on my “Getting More Flexible” Goal.¬† I continue to stretch a lot or at least more than I did prior to this cycle.¬†For example I am stretching a bit more after the gym classes I take.¬† I need to show up a bit earlier to stretch before.¬† ¬†I still get to stretch a bit more during the day.¬† I was speaking with Malie11¬† about her goal of meditating twice per day and she has really made it a routine.¬† I get to do more stretches while working, while waiting for the subway, etc.¬† I do notice that I feel more flexible.¬† I can actually bend down a little lower when doing squats.¬† I noticed this today during one of the cool gym classes I take.

This week I also took two classes at FlexFiit with BRANDYMARIE1.  At the end of class BRANDYMARIE1 usually leads us in some good stretching exercises.  Although some of the stretches are still hard for me I felt that I was more flexible than a good number of the people in the class.  I am not comparing but.. I was a bit impressed with myself.  Then again, I felt like it was The Bad News Bears of the gym when it came to stretching and flexibility.  You kind of had to be there but in all seriousness I felt good about my progress in relation to myself and stretching.

This week I also had the chance to go to an event that Vanessaclerveaux and her company had sponsored.  It was related to Branding as her company had a speaker/client who spoke about building a new website, re-branding, new logos, etc.  This is very appropriate for what I am doing with my company Рnew name, logo and website.  I am so glad that I attended as I met some really great people.  Most importantly I got to see V in action!

This is actually the second networking event sponsored by a fellow Lifer that I have attended this cycle.¬† The first one was one sponsored by HKWEISS and I found that one to be really great too.¬† I also met some amazing people; learned a lot; and saw HKWEISS in action doing his thing!¬† ¬† I regret forgetting to take a pic or two. I am discovering PSPLife has a lot of good resources beyond just small groups, blogs and feedback.¬† I discovered both events while looking through my news feed on Linkedin.¬† I think it’s good to pay attention to what our fellow Lifers are doing.

I like what¬†NAMASTE1234567¬†highlighted or questioned about buddies.¬† I personally like the rigor of checking in with each other each week and holding each other high. I always learn a lot from my buddy relationships. I have also learned that people are in different places and its important to understand my buddy’s occurring world and be supportive with where he or she is at.¬† I have also learned to not take it personally if things don’t always go as planned. These are some valuable lessons I have learned through participating over the various cycles and get to continue learning and growing.

During the first week,¬†BRANDYMARIE1¬†highlighted some questions about having people you respect or follow end up¬† doing something unexpected and/or stray away from what they preach.¬† This is in relation to the person BRANDYMARIE1 is following in her intimacy course and with a coach in our LP. These actions can be drastic as well as not so drastic. I have been thinking a lot about this and can probably highlight this more in a longer post.¬† I am unfortunately quick to dismiss leaders/ experts when I see inconsistencies as¬† “Do as I say Not as I do Leaders.” I arrogantly used this a lot when in LP and when I worked for some companies in the past. I respect leaders and hold them high but expect a lot from them as well.¬† I have also quickly dismissed people when I see them do something that I perceive as being inconsistent with what they practice and/or enforce.¬† I am becoming more patient and further understanding that no one is perfect and there is a lot to be learned from everyone’s complete character.